Scallion Biscuits

Hello all, welcome to a (relatively) quick and dirty third installment, where I will show you how to make American biscuits with scallions. This should not be confused with the other kind of biscuit that those limeys (jk) eat, which is called a “cookie” in the US. They are super easy to make and very tasty. Total operation time for this dish is about 40 minutes.

NOTE: If you plan to make these biscuits for family or friends or for a meal, make sure that they can be served immediately after creation. Biscuits are fucking delicious in the first 30 minutes of creation, but really become crappy as they get cold. This is NOT a dish recommended for making ahead of time or eating over the period of a few days.


the first vegetarian dish in the series so even pansies can enjoy it

2 cups flour
2 tbsp butter/margarine*
2 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup milk**

Will also need:
-rolling pin (or a handle-less drinking glass for the MacGuyver cooks)
-Baking pan/sheet or whatever it’s called
-Aluminum foil *OR parchment paper
-cutting board or any other clean, flat surface

*Only 2 tbsp for health reasons. Some recipes call for as much as 4 tbsp. The more butter you add the moister and tastier the biscuit.
**Milk should be cold, makes working the dough easier. If you live in one of those idyllic north European nations where milk is delivered warm and fresh in glass bottles by a milkman riding a bicycle, chill that shit before you use it.
***Completely optional, but since this is the namesake of the dish I obviously use it. The culinary reason for using scallions is that it partially mitigates two problems with plain biscuits. One is that plain, salted biscuits are slightly bitter, and scallions overcome that with their sweetness. The other is that biscuits are dry, and scallions add a tiny bit of additional moisture.

If you’ve been following the series along, you notice that this is the first time I’ve actually specified precise quantities for the ingredients. This is because in baking, the proportion of ingredients is extremely important. “Eyeballing” the ingredients except for the butter is not recommended unless you are pro (in which case you probably aren’t reading this to learn anything).


First, chop your scallions into tiny bits. I tend to split the scallion lengthwise before chopping to get even more pieces, like this:

dormant vegetation no match for steel knife

Then, combine everything except for the oven and the rolling pin into a single bowl. Use your fingers to break the butter into small pieces and then work all the ingredients until it forms a dough ball. While you are doing this, it may seem from time to time that you have too much or too little liquid content, but [b]resist the urge to add more flour or milk[/b]. If you measured the ingredients out properly the first time, the dough will be perfect.

Keep kneading the dough. You will find that the pieces of butter magically melt into the rest of the dough as you knead. Keep kneading until you feel all the butter is gone and you have a nice, slightly sticky ball of dough:

Can you believe I did this shit one handed so I can take a picture with my other hand?

On the side, cover the bottom of your baking pan with aluminum or parchment paper. If you are using aluminum foil, dust the surface with flour so the dough will not stick. Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees F (or 477 Kelvin, take that you metric bastards).

Dust the cutting board with flour and roll the dough out to about half an inch thick (1.27 cm). If you have a small cutting board like me you can break the dough in half and work half a dough at a time. Cut the dough into uniform squares of about 1.5 inches in width (if you have shape cutters this will be easier, but knife works just fine) and transfer the squares onto your baking sheet. Wiggle the pieces around on the sheet: if they stick a little, work some flour under the pieces until they no longer stick.

Apply knife directly to dough

If your pieces are similar size to mine, you should get approximately 12 biscuits, give or take a couple.

Last piece roughly shaped with knife. I am ghetto.

Pop the pan into the oven for about 14 minutes. Depending on the oven and the heat cycling, you should start checking the biscuits at about 12 minutes, and every minute after. They are done when the tops are just starting to turn golden. If they are brown, you have overcooked and your biscuits will be a bit harder. I personally got distracted by the stupid cat, and mine came out about 30 seconds later than I prefer.

One of the above is not like the rest. Can you tell which one?

Serve immediately! They are slightly drier than other types of breads and pastries, but if they are served with a soup or sauce or with gravy on top (biscuits and gravy a fantastic combo) dryness is a non-issue.

The Result

would say, be-fucking-jujular”]would say, be-fucking-jujular”]4.8 / 5 Ding ding ding! New High Score! Crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside. You know you want it. A bit dry, but if you use more butter (4 tbsp lolz) or serve with cheese/soup/sauce this is easily overcome.

BONUS Section
Theorycrafting: Ham and Cheese Biscuits

This is an idea I’ve had but not been able to implement with biscuits. It also solves the dryness problem of biscuits with the addition of ham and cheese. Here’s how you modify the procedure above:

-Slice cheese into squares as thinly as possible (important!)
-Slice ham into thin slices also, does not have to be as thinly as cheese
-Once the dough is kneaded, cut it into two parts. Roll each part out 1/4 inch thick and cut into squares. What you want to do is place a square of dough on the sheet, then a layer of cheese, a layer of ham, another layer of cheese, and topped with another piece of dough. Lightly push the edges of the dough together, don’t worry of it doesn’t seal on all sides.
-Bake as usual. The reason for sandwiching the ham with cheese is to seal in the moisture of the ham with the cheese, so that the ham’s juices do not sog up the biscuit.

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